My Journey Into Art

Click to learn more about this paint, “The Creatrix”

From Forest to Canvas: The Journey that Shaped My Art

I daresay we’ve all heard it before… the starving artist persona.

Choosing artist as your career title is choosing poverty. Worse even.

Declaring artist as your identity can even feel inherently unsafe.

Art isn’t essential, and it certainly isn’t practical.

Artists aren’t respectable and should not be taken seriously.

Well, I’d like to LOUDLY DISAGREE. But before I get all fired up…. Let’s save this argument for another post. You’ve clicked in because you want to know how I got here.

The Imaginative Child

I was born a sensitive and imaginative soul. Like just about everyone else. I was even declared “Gifted and Talented in the areas of creative thinking and verbal ability” by my childhood school district.

I had a LOT of imaginary friends (I had real friends, too- don’t worry) and a rich imaginary landscape in my head that I was always adventuring in. My favorite thing was to watch the forest landscape out the window as we drove and imagine some grand high fantasy adventure unfolding amongst the trees and rocks.

I told and wrote stories. I drew stories. I played musical instruments from a young age. I danced all the time.

And in many ways this was celebrated and even encouraged in my younger years.

I wanted to be an art teacher and book writer/illustrator when I grew up.

And then we moved away.

Where Creativity Went to Die

I don’t mean to be dramatic, but when we moved to another state, that new school system killed my creativity. That and all the well meaning advisors around me. It’s a tale as old as time.

I was no longer encouraged to write freely in school. We were forced to write to a very strict (and boring) formula. For almost all of middle school and high school we had to put exact sentences where they told us to put them. And I understand they were teaching us to build a logical piece of writing. I understand that there are those who really benefit from the structure, and I’m not upset.

It was hard to fit art into my schedule at all, I had to take extra credits, some outside of school. And so I did. No complaints there. Schools can’t accommodate a child’s every interest. But a message was received that the arts aren’t really all that important in the “real world”.

I can’t ever complain about dance. It feels like both a birthright and a privilege to be a dancer in this modern age. An age where we sit in cars and in front of screens most of the day. To be flexible, strong, and embodied is so enlivening. Even when I’m not specifically dancing, I still maintain multiple intentional movement practices to this day. But I digress… I DID get to dance in school (instead of PE and also on the dance team), which I always counted as such a blessing.

This is about the age when people start looking at you like, “who are you going to be in the future?” Being a naturally visionary and imaginative person, I LOVED dreaming about my future career. I explored around quite a lot- physicist (until I realized that required math), forensic scientist, lawyer, psychologist… and always a fantasy writer/artist/dancer on the side.

One thing was clear though: people are impressed when you say you want to be an attorney or a scientist. They give you a small, dismissive smile when you talk about wanting to pursue a career in the arts. Almost as if to say, “how cute”. Even when you say, “just as a side gig”. Or sometimes they will openly crush your dreams right then and there.

I get it. It’s not a “traditional” path. There’s not often a salary or pension associated with this work. It is risky. And let’s be honest-- this is simply what THEY have always been told. Many of them probably had their dreams crushed, too.

 Preparing for the “Real World”

I obsessively tried to mash up “practical” career options with creative options. So I would never have to let go of any of my passions:

• Psychology + Dance= dance therapist.

• Psychology + Art= art therapist.

• Entertainment Attorney.

• Physical Therapist for performers.

• (Even after college… artist + computer tech + marketer= graphic designer.)

I completed half a degree in Psychology (a subject which remains a tremendous passion and focus of mine) before acknowledging that the pursuit wasn’t filing my desires. I wanted to think for myself and examine humans as individuals, not memorize other peoples’ theories. And I didn’t subscribe to the mission of “predicting and controlling human behavior” that was being pushed on me. I realized I could fill all my desires in the English department, AND more often utilize one of my very favorite and natural tools: words.

(Plus, I had been a writing tutor the whole time. When I announced the change everyone was like… “but weren’t you already an English major?”)

And what I really wanted to do was simply to WRITE. To dream and reflect and examine and express. I loved creative writing and persuasive writing equally. I chose Rhetoric and Composition as my emphasis so I could study persuasion, but also took creative classes. I just wanted to be a writer; it wasn’t so much about any particular career title, it was about how I would spend my time.

But again, people give you those flippant looks when you tell them your degree is English.

I felt the need to validate my choice ,and I had a genuine interest in law. So I chose that to be my target career path. People started looking at me with approval and respect again. It felt like I was on a path to security. So I put ALL my eggs into that basket. I joined all the pre-law clubs, started studying for the LSAT, even published in my school’s pre-law review.

And for all the right reasons really. I love to study. I love to research. Analyzing and playing with language feels like home to me. I’m a people-person and a performer.  These are the daily activities and skills of a lawyer. But I “knew” I had to mostly suppress the creative urge.

I still really just wanted to be a fantasy writer and artist. I told myself that could always be my side thing.

What About Painting?

I know most of you are here to hear specifically about painting.

Truth is… I didn’t do much visual art once I hit college. I was busy with school, work, and life. I got my creative fix through writing and minoring in modern dance.

But after graduation, the urge to create visual work came back. And its been with me ever since.

We will get back to that later.

The Creative Impulse

A creative person has no choice but to create. It’s a constant fiending that I feel every day of my life. And I will work it in wherever I can. Compulsively.

I didn’t go to law school. When I met my first husband, I put law school on hold and started working as a paralegal for a time. The idea was to go to law school in a year or two, and to get practical experience, set up my new life, and focus on my new husband for a bit first.

I worked a few years as a legal assistant/paralegal, and that work was good. I was highly productive at work and highly productive at home. I like the feeling of getting stuff done.

Yet I always felt like I hadn’t done anything very… meaningful. I craved a creative outlet. Intensely. And I always made one for myself.

Fitting In Creativity

I took dance classes once or twice a week, and I started painting as gifts for other people.

I fell in love with painting again, but I believed it was too impractical to do just for myself.

I volunteered to do graphic design and artistic volunteer work. I threw elaborate parties and made all the decorations myself. Mostly so I could make stuff.

And I dreamt of becoming a freelancer. Of writing books or illustrating them, maybe both. Of getting involved in huge creative projects with other creatives.

I began to step more and more into the idea. I began writing creatively for the first time in years. Suddenly, it felt silly to be an artist and not own any of my own work. So when we moved to a bigger house, I started painting fine art to cover the walls of my own house. That felt great.

Another sidenote: Having a big creative project going feels kind of like having an affair. As you go about your day, you do all the things required of you. But there’s always that small part of your brain that’s thinking about your creation. Longing to return to it and continue working.

I haven’t stopped painting and writing since, and I don’t believe I ever will… whether it’s practical or not. Whether it makes me money or not. Artist is my nature, and it’s an honor.

Every Day is Magic

Now I paint people and places with a magical flare.

I watch, listen, and imagine intently. I reflect my observations of the human experience and our magnificent world through visual and written stories.

It has almost been a fight to get back to the original me.

I dream of writing/illustrating books, especially fantasy or mystery book covers. I would love to run creative workshops and help others access their creative selves. A sort of return to my childhood dreams.

Will my art ever turn into a stable career? Don’t know. If you want to help me with that… I’m sure you can figure out what to do.

It doesn’t matter anymore. Because to me, art is important. Creating isn’t really optional, it’s my life.